Sigh. Sigh is all I can do. I may sound cheap, slutty and stupid for saying this. But since i dont let out my inner feelings i wont feel good at all. 3 Years ago when i was 13 I got to know this guy who is 15 then. We just texted each other and it all seemed boring. So we lost contact. And last year, when i'm 15, he was 17. We started contacting each other back again.

But everything was great. I felt the chemistry and love even though we seemed to just know each other. I found his 'perfect' for me. I know this sounds silly. But i feel he is perfect. Because he's about as short at me. His skin colour is about the same as me. and we have alot of incommon. Love just seems great.

Then after the first meeting we had. He started to text me all kind of mushy stuffs. I hate mushy stuffs. and he also asked if he could frenchkiss me. I got scared as we got no strings attached why must i give him all of it. and i started to back out and we lost contact again. then late october i couldnt help missing him.

i really miss him and do love him. although it sounds silly but thats how i feel inside. but now that we lost contact. when i tried contacting him, he sounds like as if he's getting away from me. he dont sound him. he's just changed. maybe because he is no longer into me? so i had no choice and texted him daily although at times i dont get a reply. i still do text him daily.

then on 16 feb he asked me to go to his place. i got all excited cause we havent been meeting at all. asking me to go to his place was a great thing to me. I went to his place. at first we had a great conversation together. and then he started to take my stuffs and put it outside. And asked me to bed with me. i had second thoughts but i didnt know why i agreed.

we did went to bed, but didnt go to the extend of sex. he did asked for it but i said no. then he got angry so we stopped the whole thing cause i kicked him. but i never really meant to do. then he sent me down. he didnt talk at all. and at first we were walking together quite closely, after he saw girls he went far apart from me. and he waited for my bus to come. he actually went off before i got into the bus and never turn back to look at me.

i then apologised for getting him angry. but i had no replies from him. and we never contact each other. but i dont know why i can't help it. i keep on giving him text messages every night. and yesterday we happened to be online at the same time after a long period of time. he started the conversation. so i asked him out today because i promised to get him a watch before. he said he would confirm with me today. but instead i had no news from him.

i feeel super sad. i dont know why. maybe because i never liked/loved any other guys like i do for him. and listening to the song just one night by cassie makes me really cry my heart out. the song is really about me. just one night to be with you cause i miss the way, the way we made love. why is he doing this to me.

anyway, i feel better after letting things out. im not being a slut or something. thanks for reading if it aint a burden to you guys, mind commenting to me what i should do? thanks a million!

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I hate life. It sucks. Why can't I have more freedom? Why can't my parents stop comparing me. Why can't bitches quit ruining my life. WHY? It hurts to be here and people not noticing my hurt.

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I just don't feel alright. Many problems are not solved yet there's more coming. I know life is about challenges. I don't think I can take it. I finally broke up with my boyfriend. But I have to accept the fact that I miss him and love him still. I still keep his messages in my cellphone. I still put his picture as my wallpaper on the computer and cellphone. Well, it takes time in getting over someone. I know that. But am I moving on the right track of life? I hope so. But the sad thing is every time I break up with someone. They have a memory with me.

But for this guy, the only memory I had was, him sleeping with someone behind my back and hanging out at each others house. We never had sweet memories. I started to realise that all these while, I invited him to town. But he didn't want to head to town with me. Now, I know clearly the reason why he never wants to go to town with me. The reason is he was scared his friends or must I say GIRLFRIENDS might bump into us in town. What I learnt was never to make someone your first priority in life. What will you get if you do? You get dumped just like me.

Every time something like this happened. I question myself. Why must it happen? And the reasons are quite clear too. Firstly, I m ugly. Secondly, I'm too softhearted that guys take advantage or me. Thirdly, I don't know how to treat my boyfriend. And I wonder why, I just couldn't get over him. Cause he's always on my mind. Though he sounds like a jerk. I still love him. We're over. And I don't think I dare to open up my heart for other guys. Life is tough. My examinations are starting and I should study or I will be retained. Take care all.

Love,
yurny.

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Hello people. It's been a week since I ever updated. And I miss it! Well, life has been tough as usual. School sucks with people who hate me shouting offensive stuffs. Well, firstly it broke my heart and secondly it has made me has lower self-esteem. I agree I am soft hearted and I have low self-esteem. And these stuffs have made me so distracted from my school work. I can't even pay attention in class which sucks because I've been failing class tests. My end of year exams are just next week. And it will determine if I can get promoted next year or retained.

And I have huge problem with my boyfriend. He goes around sleeping with other girls behind my back. And he constantly lies to me everyday. I want to break up with him but he keeps on begging for the last chance. And I don't know why I'm still together with this jerk. Because of him my friends started to give up hope in me. I am at total mess and loss now. I don't know what to do. I fear everything. I fear I might lose him. But people all said the more I'm with him the more hurt I feel. I don't know why life sucks. That's all people. I update soon. Byee!

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This is first entry here. And I'm still new to here. Hmm... Well, I'm Yurni from Singapore. I am only 15 years old. I am mixed of Indonesian and Singaporean. I am currently in Evergreen Secondary. I am in secondary 3. Next year is my last year there before I proceed to nitec. I'm just the simple average girl. I am just like any other girls in the world.

I come across hatred, messed up life, failing, losing friends and also confused in love. But what I learnt was that's just obstacles of life. Without obstacles life is boring without challenges and you would not learn anything. I don't quite like my family although I have to accept the fact that my parents brought me up from a kid to a teenager growing to be an adult soon.

My family don't have time for me. And I have parents who prefer me not me meet my cousins. So my life is boring. I spend my time heading to town every week and playing computer everyday. I hate boredom. And I overcome my boredom by trying new stuffs each day. Like NuTang. Heee.. Thats about it. More updates soon.. Byee

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